So I was going through my previous posts, and I realized an underlying theme throughout all of them: in each one, I had wanted to introduce (or maybe just make it seem like I’m introducing) a profound thought or concept. This is not to say these thoughts or concepts were false or that I outright just plagiarized them, since they very sincerely have been going through my mind a lot, thus eventually making their way into my writing. However, I saw that I had wanted each post to be significant, and in turn, not a waste of your time, as the reader, or of mine, as I pick out what thoughts I can put words to that day.
While I have so far enjoyed sharing these ‘profound’ things with you all, I also want to just express my thoughts, raw and unstructured, from time to time, like how I did with my recent piece about religion. As this blog is not only for your benefit to read what I have to share, but also mine to express things that have been on my mind, I want to do this in equal parts with my more profound writing. (I have yet to really define what ‘profound writing’ means.)
In other words, I feel that I should remind myself that my thoughts, particularly the not so profound ones (according to my standards), are also worth the time to sit down and write them out onto a word document. Like I had mentioned several times now about space and giving oneself the space to express thoughts and emotions, I should ideally give myself this as well.
So, here is one thought to share with you all today, that I feel the need to share:
I’ll be returning to my home country tomorrow, and I feel scared because I don’t know what to expect. Everything has changed so drastically, from politics and societal relations, to even my extended family whom I have not seen in I think almost a decade- I’m scared about what I’ll see and find.
And I know here, that I should be careful – because while places, like people, can be stereotyped to be dangerous and backward (owing very much to colonial and neocolonial legacies, both by the colonizer and colonized), I cannot, and should not, expect it to be exactly like people say. I shouldn’t rely on these presumptions, but instead just embrace things as they come.
I am still scared though – in a way, literally for my safety.
That is my thought for today. Hopefully I’ll feel brave enough to add more context in a later post. I know it’s a little bit mysterious at this point.
Also, in terms of administrative stuff, an announcement will soon follow this post – so stay tuned!
Until the next 250+ words,
– Phebe Manaog